Thursday, January 6, 2011

here's to you, bachelor life

So, I think it is quite possible that I was a bachelor in a prior life. Why do I believe this?

1. I really like having space on my side of the bed. Or all the bed to myself (and the kiddos of course.) I love cuddling up before bedtime, but I usually don't sleep that way for long before I shove the other person to the other side of the bed. Do you remember that episode of Friends (christ...a "Friends" reference. what is happening to me?) where they did the "hug-and-roll" so they could have space in the bed? Yeah-- it's pretty much like that.
2. I love cooking strange concoctions that no one else would like eating because every person I've dated has hated the key ingredients I cook with: onions, cilantro, tomatoes, and garlic. Blasphemy!!
3. Although I am surprisingly a neat freak, I like that I could potentially let the dishes or laundry slide for a couple days without anyone griping at me.
4. I get to keep my own hours and see friends (of both sexes) without getting guilt-tripped or accused of dastardly deeds.
5. It is a well-proven fact that after the initial honeymoon is over, boys do not want to have random dance parties and listen to records at 1am in your living room.
6. I don't really watch much TV, but I can very well spend a good 8 hours watching old episodes of The Office on Netflix's Instant Play. In my jammies. And "comfy socks." With pet hair all over me. Eating scandalous foods that I would probably regret later.
7. The idea of someone putting a plush leather couch or rattan furniture in my house is absolutely terrifying. I'm pretty sure the idea of having to make my home entirely unisex is the reason I have so much stuff in the first place-- it's like having a bottle of animal repellent so your cat doesn't pee on your ottoman.
8. I have to fix things on my car myself (unless it is major-- then I DO need help.) But it is kind of nice to be relatively self-sufficient.
9. I seem to get more work done home alone. If I ever met someone that was as self-sufficient as I was, he would probably be a bachelor (and if he isn't straining his pasta with an old gym sock, we might be in business.)
10. I can go out and look pretty, and no one ever has to know about my secret fears, weird habits, random thoughts that enter my head, or my complete recitation of "Bohemian Rhapsody (acted out via the Wayne's World method.)"

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