Friday, January 22, 2010

i spent my life creating an avalanche

I have nearly killed my hair but it is not quite fried, thankfully. After 9 bleachings and several bad experiments it is ash brown and quite brittle. The cold weather doesn't help, either, since it dries it out even more. Anyone know any good remedies to strengthen hair? I won't be coloring it again for several months so that may help also.

Sorry for not updating this much. I found out last week that I was OFFICIALLY ACCEPTED INTO ARCHITECTURE SCHOOL!!!!

My first few weeks back at school have been good, although overwhelming. All of my courses are book-based so there is quite a bit of territory to cover. The weather has been rainy the past few weeks, too, which while I adore rainy days they do little to help me combat general laziness. My biggest problem with school is that I forget to EAT between going to school and work so I guess the past 6 months is finally catching up with me. There is nothing like scarfing down an asiago bagel with salmon cream cheese, in your car, at 1 o'clock in the afternoon to let you know you're alive!

A dear friend and I went out to a late dinner yesterday evening and it was good to see him. Due to life situations we never get to see each other anymore much and that is unfortunate. Tonight the girls and I are going to see "Nine" at Downtown West and I am pretty excited about it. It will do me good to get some fresh air and air some grievances with my sisters. I think I will finally get to see my folks tomorrow-- I haven't seen them since school began! Sunday my friend Mary and I are doing a modeling photo shoot to promote her new store, so this weekend will be amazing if I get to feeling better! I have been in homebody mode for a few weeks. I truly need to take a weekend out of town and gain some new perspectives on things. In times like these I usually take on a huge project. I want to redesign an old building, or travel overseas, or get outside and be one with nature for a while. I like the feeling of falling in love with life. It suits me just fine. I just need more culture than I am getting now. Culture is what causes me to thrive the most. The daily dalliances of everyday existence tend to suck the life out of me if I am not too careful.

More updates and photos later. And a new covet list finally! GEEZ!!
I feel like I have spent most of my life creating an avalanche and now I am at a standstill.

Friday, January 8, 2010

modern nature

Well, I lied, for we had a good two-three inches of snow and ice last night after all. Not that it is a huge accumulation, but my whole backyard is white and beautiful and I really wanted to go out and play in it. I tried to take some photos this a.m., but they turned out pretty lousy because I was in a rush to get to work. I hate that when I have a bunch of errands I want to run, the weather gets lousy. I HATE driving in ice/snow so it is likely my entire weekend will be filled with home-based adventures.

I am getting ready to do a HUGE project which I will post on the blog when I am finished. I have a million things I want to do this year on the creative front, including launching my clothing and accessories line at the end of the year. I am hoping all that time at fashion school will have paid off (it was EXPENSIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) at some point. Since the boy and I split up, life has gotten a bit less hectic so I am hoping to get more accomplished this year and make it the best year ever.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

it's gonna take an airplane

I only was able to get about an hour of sleep last night. I tossed and turned for hours and if there is one thing I am extremely anxious about, it is not getting much sleep! Have you ever felt like that? This is horrible. I am exhausted and I have a bit too much to do today.

But I spent most of the evening listening to the beautiful music made by my friends and downloaded a few songs on iTunes that I have been enthralled with. I have been lazy the past few nights, what with the insanely cold weather, but I am finally making some headway on my lists. I am such a wuss now-- I used to take baths in ice cold water and now I couldn't imagine doing so! I am hoping tonight to put together a covet list, or an inspiration list, but it depends on the amount of time I have free. I am FINALLY taking down my Christmas decor and mending some dresses that I have been procrastinating on. I have a huge pile of stuff that needs to go to Goodwill in my hall right now that has been there for three weeks, at least.

It is supposed to snow here tonight, but I doubt we will get much accumulation. We usually get an inch or so and that is about it. I am homesick for Portland lately more than usual; perhaps it is because of the brisk air reminds me of being out on the coast when there is still a heavy chill in the air. My fondest memories are like spruce trees.

My pets aren't too used to me being gone, although I cannot believe it is THURSDAY already!! This week has flown by.

Here is what I am listening to on this dreary day:

"Somewhere There's a Feather" by Nico
"Tomato Song" by PWRFL POWER
"Franco the Bull" by the One Up Downstairs
"Demon Host" by Timbre Timbre
"Slippery" by Vetiver
"It's Gonna Take an Airplane" by Destroyer
"Dead Vine Blues" by Grails
"Apistat Commander (Xiu Xiu cover)" by Sunset Rubdown
"On a Neck, On a Spit" by Grizzly Bear
"The Anchor Song" by Bjork"
"In the Morning Linda Dies" by Paleo
"In Heaven (Lady in the Radiator Song)" by the Pixies
"Glass, Concrete, and Stone" by David Byrne
"Flume" by Bon Iver
"Signs and Wonders" by Animal Kingdom
"Lost Ones" by Lauryn Hill
"Awkward Social Graces" by the Enigmatic Foe
"Traffic" by Chad VanGaalen
"Bottle Rocket" by the Go! Team
"Lady of the Island" by Crosby, Stills, & Nash

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

p + w: keep calm and carry on

I have been neglecting my magazine, paper + wire, for some time, which is a shame because there have been some FABULOUS works submitted. Unfortunately, I have yet to get Photoshop or Illustrator for my Mac to do the magazine with, so until then, I will periodically post some of my favorite submissions to the paper + wire flickr pool so you can check out the rest of their amazing creations!

"ldrb" by highburnate

"until fully grown" by sarah buckley

"Day 359" by yablocko

"untitled" by rachel.waugh

"Kaytee- old school style" by Kenneth Barton (one of my favorite photographers, hands down!)

"untitled" by amour-giraffe

"untitled" by Delaney Allen

"untitled" by Scarlet Begonias.

"F1010017" by jordan_davis2

"through the looking glass" by limbo pony

"squirrels nest" by Jessica Tremp

and "crept through the foxes den", also by Jessica Tremp, for I love her work so much!

"monster" by

"Memoir: Standing2" by super.stark

"old" by Vadim Mir

"desiree" by Maria Mancini

This amazing video by nessa k.


For more awesomeness, visit paper + wire on flickr or view the first issue at

unmitigated life

After nearly 12 years of dying my hair, I finally decided to go blonde again. I'm still not sure if I like it or not (it will probably go red or black in a few weeks, knowing me), but it is definitely a change. Change is in the air, actually, some of which being good and some of which being bad. I started 2010 with a bang because my stepfather had to go into the hospital for a major emergency surgery and my great aunt died, also. I did a lot of things I am not proud of over Christmas break and now I am struggling to find some meaning in the events that transpired therein. I feel like I grew older over Christmas break, if not a bit wiser, and there is a strange feeling of emptiness enveloping my life that I can't readily comprehend. It is almost as if I stepped out of young adulthood into adulthood and now I feel responsible for a lot of situations where I usually would have thrown caution to the wind. But I also feel very sad, because I allowed some things to happen that hurt my pride and integrity deeply and the result of that surprised me most of all, because I felt so self-sufficient and confident prior to that. I am trying to combat that, though, as I am applying for second job this afternoon at a new hookah restaurant that is opening up in town. I am hoping to get on there a least the weekends, if nothing else, because I could use some refreshed food service experience, for one. I figure if I throw myself into my work and my hobbies I won't have to feel so jaded by the past few weeks. I hate feeling bitter so I hope this feeling passes soon, as I am finding courage and comfort in being alone again.

One of my New Year's resolutions (yes, I have some!) was to update this blog more. I have been neglecting it more than I would like to admit. This year I am going to get out of debt and have a fulfilling life for myself. I got sidetracked last month from my "Alpine path" and so now I am backtracking a bit to get everything structured back to where it should be. Cupcake Crafterie may be postponed to next month, depending on my job situation, but I will try to update this more often. Another resolution is to CRAFT more, as I have been neglecting that as well.

I have never been an extremely religious person, but I think the trials and tribulations of faith lately have made me open my mind a bit more to what exists outside of my circle. I think we all grow up being self-important. I always thought I could emphathize with people very well until I saw my stepfather going through a pain I could not comprehend or understand. For the first time in my life, I realized that my pain was the only pain I was allowed to experience. I could experience the emotional pain of others because of the emotions I had experienced in myself, but physical pain is a completely different universe to me. How, in all my twenty four years, this realization passed me by is a mystery in itself. The realization left me numb and I was somewhat negated, for I want to experience and empathize with others on all levels and it is clealry impossible.

I bought most of my books for my architecture course today. I am nervous and excited about the class, because it seems like it will be an extremely difficult course as well as time-consuming. I am only taking three classes this semester because I am needed more at work, but the classes I am taking are all very eye-opening ones. Deep down I think I really love school, although I wish I could afford my lifestyle yet still have more time to pursue my studies. I spent much of the break with my nose in books, which is a bit safer yet still allows me to feel like I am vicariously living through someone else for a while.

I have a million things to do this week but my main goal is to get my scooter sold by February. This is probably the worst time to sell something like that, but I keep hoping I will get lucky. I love love love love my scooter, but it is something I bought at a different stage in my life and my goals have altered considerably for now. I have been slacking on my etsy due to recent events, but I have a ton of really cool vintage that my mom and I will be putting up in the following weeks, so I am getting pretty excited. Life will be much more livable once I get over the stress from taxes, so by April I should be pretty well set for any major changes that come my way. After that, I just have to pay off the balance on my credit card and then I can go back to some state of simplicity. My only other debt is my student loans, but since I will be in school for a while (as in the next 6 years, because I want to get my master's) I'm not too distraught over it.

This time next year, I wonder what will have changed. I might even be in Portland by then, or I might have a different job, more or less friends, more or less goals...I try not to think about the future, but I have a good idea of where I want to be and now it is just a matter of figuring out a variety of ways to get there.